The betrayal in my marriage filled my heart with fear. I immediately was concerned with what people would say if they found out.
This terrified me.
Why did I even care?
Without praying, I stepped down from leading the children’s ministry, and we even left our church home in search of a new one.
I doubted these decisions, but I didn’t want to face the questions of why my husband was no longer leading the children’s ministry. I was embarrassed. This was my attempt of escaping the pain on my own.
My dad even suggested we move near him. It could be a fresh start. I entertained the idea. No one would know us or our story. This sounded so good to me.
Again, without praying, I told my co-ministers at the Christian school the possibility of us moving to the country at the end of the school year. I would later regret this.
Now for the truth.
I had absolutely no intention of moving. Especially to the country. Deep down, I believed that one day we would return to our church home that I loved so much. We just needed time to get our ‘act’ together.
And, that’s what it was…an act.
Acting like everything was okay, when in reality my life was spinning out of control. I could barely keep it together. For these three months, I stopped writing prayer entries. My heart was quiet.
Sometimes our troubles are so great that all our heart can do is cry to God, and that’s okay. God doesn’t require our words. He just needs an honest and exposed heart.
It’s a beautiful thing to know that our quiet hearts are heard by God.